Not my Will

Many of you have grown up in less than perfect circumstances.  We have all been influenced and shaped by the people who surrounded us during our formative years.  I was raised in an alcoholic home where no mention of God existed except as a swear word. I have learned that people who grow up in an alcoholic home have control issues.  We seek to control because our home lives are so chaotic.  The child of the alcoholic seeks to bring order and stability (control) to their own lives.  I am no exception. 

As a teenager, bedtime, for me, was not an opportunity to wind down and drift off to sleep.  No, for me bedtime was a series of little trips sneaking out to the living room to check on Dad.  You see my father would go to sleep each night in a drunken stupor.  I was always afraid that he would burn the house down by dropping a cigarette on the floor as he dosed off.  Many nights I would find a cigarette still burning on the carpet beside him.  After my Dad was in a deep sleep I would take his wheel chair to him (a story for another day) lift him into it and put him in bed.  Only then could I sleep.

My life and future seemed hopeless to me.  When I was 15 I heard the story of a God in Heaven who loved me so much that He gave His only Son to die for me.  When I accepted God's gift of eternal life my whole world changed.  I had purpose now and I knew God had great plans and a wonderful future for my life.  For the first time I finally felt  loved, protected and accepted.  I wasn’t alone anymore.

God directed my steps to Cornerstone College after high school where I met a wonderful strong man who would become my husband three years later.  We entered the ministry together with a heart full of hopes and dreams.  I believed that if I did everything right and controlled the circumstances around me, my family would be protected from harm and our home would always be filled with happiness and joy.  This unrealistic, idealistic belief almost ruined me.

My oldest child entered into full blown rebellion at the age of 13. I was blown away.  I could not process the concept of having a problem like this with one of my children.  I raised my children in a safe home where they could be free to express themselves.  I was there to fill their love cups when they headed toward empty.  I connected with each of them and developed a deep bond of trust.  Although I am not perfect our home was a pretty good picture of stability - how could this happen?

In my disparity I pooled together all of my resources and tried to control the situation, thinking, "I can fix this!"  I was intelligent, resourceful, had many connections and I thought I had a bit of my own wisdom to draw upon.  But NOTHING helped - absolutely NOTHING!  My son just kept spiraling out of control.  He was recklessly speeding down, down a slippery slope where danger and destruction lurked.  I feared for his life, I grieved and cried every single day.  My heart was broken and the pain was unbearable but I kept moving forward doing everything in my power to fix him.

It took many years before I finally collapsed and cried out to God "Help me - please reach and rescue my son, my only son, the son that I love more than life itself.  I have no other place to turn.  I can't do it anymore."

I had finally come to the end of myself and that is when God stepped in.  When I gave up on me God took one finger at a time and released my white knuckled grip on my son.  It was definitely a God thing because I could not do it.  As God helped me release my son to His care and as I took my hands off - I saw miracles begin to take place in his life.

Recently I said to a friend of ours, "It seems God keeps bringing me back to the place where I can't control situations."  Brian lovingly said, "Susie, what do you think that means?"   HELLO ...  with that simple question the realization dawned.  I haven't totally learned to trust and release.  I read a prayer in a book called Stepping out of Denial into God's Grace by John Baker and have customized it a bit to pray over myself daily: 

Dear God, I have tried to do it all by myself, on my own power, and I have failed.  Today, I want to turn my life over to You.  I want you to be my Lord.  I ask that you help me start to think less about me and my will.  I want to daily turn my will over to You, to daily seek your direction and wisdom for my life.  Please continue to help me overcome my hurts and control issues that I might be healthy and whole and pleasing in your sight.

With a heart filled with incredible joy, I can tell you that today my son loves God with a Passion.  He has a very tender heart of compassion for people in pain.  He is wise beyond His years.  I see God's hand at work in His life and I stand in Awe.   "My God shall supply All your needs."  In order to release His Power into life I must surrender my will and inclination to control.  The process of learning to trust God completely continues to be a journey away from self-will as I move toward His will.

Potter & The Clay

God tells us that He is the Potter, and we are the clay. As I visualize the potter at the potter's wheel I see the strong hands forming and shaping the clay into a vessel that is beautiful and useful. I have to admit this analogy really stretches me as I think about what God wants from me. Clay does absolutely nothing but be clay. It does not resist the Potter and it yields totally to the Potter's hands. The Potter is in FULL control of the clay and the potters will determines what becomes of the clay.

Throughout my lifetime God has been patiently prodding me to let go of my white knuckled grip on situations and the people I love. How many times have I used my own resources, knack for networking and intelligence to try and solve issues or problems that I needed to go to God for? I'd be embarrassed to tell you how many. In so many of my life situations I have come to the end of my resources and myself and guess what? There I find Him, my Lord and my God. He was there all the time waiting for me to take my hands off and allow His miracles to take over.

I thank God that he is faithful and patient. He continues to bring me back to square one and to remind me that He is in control and I am not.

My Encounter with God - Who is God?

It has been said that a person's opinions and views about God are closely associated with their relationship to and experience with their earthly father. If you were raised in a home where your Dad had a relationship with God, you were most certainly blessed to see God's attributes being lived out daily in your fathers life. But for those of us raised by earthly fathers who had no use or time for God; our picture of God may be warped by an internal impression shaped by how our Dad lived out his life. In God's word, the Psalmist gives us a snapshot picture of the LORD God, the one who loves us beyond our wildest dreams, hopes and expectations.

"The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust." (Psalm 103:8-14)

When I heard the incredible news of a Father in Heaven who really cared about me I was only 15 years old. I had always believed, in my core, that someone had to have created me and the complex universe I observed around me. As a teenager I was perplexed and disappointed with life and the seeming purposelessness of it all. Without EVER hearing anything about who God was or the plans He had for my life I sought to communicate with him the only way I knew how. I bowed, face down, and cried out to this God I had heard about. I prayed, "God, if you are real, I just can't believe you would have created me and then plopped me down here on this earthplace and then said, now fend for yourself. My heart longs to know you but I don't know how to find you? Will you please reveal yourself to me?"

Little did I know that soon my best friends father would reveal God to me. One night my girlfriend Debbie asked me over to their home because she knew I had been really down and troubled. After her Dad put the kids to bed that night he said he had something very important to share with me. He opened God's word and spoke words of life to me. He told me that God created me and that He loved me (tears welled in my eyes and the deepest longings to know God squeezed at my heart). Dad Haworth explained that the Lord God is a Holy God who cannot tolerate sin in His heaven. He then showed me, using God's very words, that because God so loved me, He gave His only son to die for my sins (in my place) so that I could live eternally with Him. He told me many, many truths I will treasure forever! That very night I asked God to forgive me for my sins and thanked Him for sending Jesus to take my place on the cross. I then invited Him to be the Lord of my life.

My prayer was answered, my soul came to rest and I was fully at peace. I finally knew that the creator God loved me, pursued me and had a plan for my life here on Earth.

Oh how I love Him who first loved me. "If God be for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31 "How Great is the Father's love that we should be called the children of God" I John 3:1

Having Faith in Today's World

In the uncertainty of these times we need Faith more than ever before. Webster’s dictionary defines faith as “belief and trust in and loyalty to God; belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion; firm belief in something for which there is no proof; complete trust.

Many find it hard to have a belief in something which has no tactical or visual proof. But faith brings purpose to many whom, having not seen, still believe in God. The Bible says in I Peter 1:8 "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." True faith really does fill your heart with a joy you cannot communicate in any language.

Back in Bible times believing in God would mean you would be executed, yet Jesus’ true followers would not deny Him. They had seen the Messiah and knew that He held the power of life and death in His own hands.

People that have Faith do not believe in coincidences. They believe that God works all things together for the good of those that love Him. What do people who have no faith do when disasters happen and their hearts get broken? Without faith it would be easy to feel like a victim of circumstances and to concede with King Solomon as he viewed life, apart from God, saying Meaningless, meaningless, all is meaningless.

Faith in a God you cannot see may be a concept hard to grasp. But that doesn't mean it is not very real. It’s like believing in the air you breathe in and are are surrounded by. Although you cannot see faith or the air you breathe, you still believe because you see the manifestations. The manifestations of an extrodinarily intellegent creator, like the air, are all around us and creation sings of His glorious presence.

Belief in God and in an afterlife gives people hope and motivates them to live life on purpose with a purpose.

Go to God

Life sometimes hits us hard. Circumstances beyond our control can leave us weak and fainthearted. The creator of the world and of you and me knows that our lives here on earth are temporary and our days filled with trials. He left us His word, the Bible, which imparts his strength to carry on and push through. He tells us in Isaiah "But they that wait upon the LORD will renew their strength; they will mount up with wings as eagles; they will run, and not be weary; and will walk, and not faint."

If you trust in God and you believe His word is truth, you will want to go to His word when you feel weak or discouraged. God's word is full of promises to strengthen you. Have you ever felt lost? When you are in the middle of a difficulty it can feel as though you are lost and that there is no way out. But you are not lost to God. He tells us in Hebrews 13:5-6 “I will never leave you or forsake you” and in Prov 18:24 He tells us that He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. As God's child you can gain strength knowing you are never alone and that God is always with you.

God promises to give us direction when we trust him and acknowledge him in everything. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”

In Psalms 27:1 we read "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid." As we consider God's word and implement faith we realize there is nothing to be afraid of. God is our strength.

God's word is truth. It is his love letter to you and to me. When we read it we find direction, peace and strength to live the days of our lives.

The Power Words

Words contain immense influence and have the power to bestow blessings or condemnation. Our mind is the central processor of words. We can choose to fill our minds with words of healing and life or misery and death.

Studies have shown the physical connection between our mind and body. The studies have shown that all the cells of your body are affected by your thoughts. Many people who have struggled with negative, self degrading feelings have changed their lives by changing their thoughts. The book of Proverbs tells us that as a man thinks in his heart – so is he.

It has been said that almost 90% of all sickness is the result of negative thinking. When our minds are filled with fear, worry and stress our body reacts with a multitude of symptoms. When we fill our minds with words that are pure, true, commendable, honorable and wholesome it breathes life into our very being. It also changes the way we view others and think about ourselves.

The Bible is the source book for Christian Themed Texts and in it we find words of life and healing. In Exodus God says “I am the Lord that heals you.”

The Bible will teach you the true meaning of love. Most people have ambiguous ideas about the definition of love. What is love and how can I find love? The secret to finding love is to stop looking for it outside of yourself. Cultivate the attributes of love within and your heart and you will have eyes of discernment to see the same attributes in others and attract a person with the ability to love you back.

God tells us in I Corinthians exactly what love looks like. Some of the verbs he uses are Love is patient, it is kind, love is not selfish, it does not seek to exalt itself, it does not hold grudges, love always protects and never gives up, love never ever fails.

If we want to change our lives we must confront the way we think. Identify all thoughts that are negative, self condemning, judgemental and non productive and then begin to replace those thoughts with words of life which are found in the Bible which is given to us by the author of life, God Himself.

Why Pray

Praying is the way we communicate with the Creator God. When we pray we are transported from the physical realm into a world that is invisible and eternal. Prayer is where relief, hope, belief and miracles live. Prayer will lift us from the depths of despair into the glorious presence of a God who hears cares and answers.
The Bible is the resource book on prayer. Many passages exhort us to pray. In Phil. 4:6-7 Paul tells us not to worry about anything but to pray and ask God for what we need. God explains that when we do this His peace will fill our hearts and minds. This idea of releasing worry to God and receiving the peace of God is beyond our human comprehension. It is a spiritual happening. It is a God thing! Prayer equips us with the weapons we need for survival during the hard times in life.

It is amazing to note that the instructions to pray come from one who was in the midst of torturous and dangerous days. The Apostle Paul was facing death in Prison and yet he did not give in to despair but looked to God in prayer. As we read this account we catch a glimpse of Paul’s unshakable valor. His circumstances would make the bravest champion loose heart. Yet Paul, in this very circumstance, encourages believers to go to God because "He will fill your hearts and mind with peace."

God exhorts us to rejoice, be gentle and pray. His presence is closer to you than any other. He knows you through and through and yet he loves you and stands by you and will never abandon you.

No Worries

"Guard ClearThinking and Common Sense with your life; don't for a minute lose sight of them. They'll keep your soul alive and well, they'll keep you fit and attractive.You'll travel safely, you'll neither tire nor trip. You'll take afternoon naps without a worry, you'll enjoy a good night's sleep. No need to panic over alarms or surprises, or predictions that doomsday's just around the corner, Because God will be right there with you; He'll keep you safe and sound." Proverbs 3:21-26 The Message

As I read these verses from Proverbs I am struck with the realization of how far I have grown in the Lord. In years gone by I spent so many useless hours worrying about things I could not control. Yes, I panicked and was alarmed frequently, which was not good for me. God knows us through and through and so He exhorts us here in this psalm to Hang on to Clear Thinking and Common Sense. Also -as I read this Proverb today I am reminded that I still have a ways to go. One of the most precious commodities that I value is my reputation. I strive to be a pure and holy representative of the Lord Jesus and I also value my husbands years of dedicated service to Him.

Recently both of our reputations were threatened. A very dangerous and slanted version of a story was spread with only one person coming back to question it. Oh how I suffered and panicked and went to the place of alarm over this. But as He has in the past Jesus once again reminded me of the persecution He faced, of the lies spread about Him and how he told us that all who live godly WILL suffer persecution. Now I am not claiming to be Holy as He is Holy - and we are NOT perfect as He is perfect but He told us we would partake in His suffering. Little did I know, back in my early naive Christian days, that it could also mean that 'Christian' people would also believe rumors without hearing the other side.

Years ago Dr. Wilbert Welch told our student Body at Cornerstone College that when you hear a story (as proverbs also teaches) you will be convinced it is true - BUT never, ever make a judgement or conclusion until you hear the other side. Thank God for Dr. Welch as Gary and I have been in many situations, in the Ministry, where we were convinced something was true UNTIL we heard the other side.

I will guard clear thinking and common sense all the days of my life as God enables me by His Holy Spirit. I will also trust my reputation and that of my dear Gary to the Lord who has the final word.