Melinda's Addiction - Chapter One

Introduction

This is a new genre for me.  I appreciate you stopping by and reading this first chapter.  I'd 

really like your input as I put my toes into new waters. Thank You!  Susie

Addiction

This is the story about a teenage girl who was offered drugs by a friend's mom.

Melinda naively trusted her friends Mom because she believed all mothers were good and would never harm a child. As a result of trying crack cocaine, Melinda got hooked on drugs.

In this first chapter listen in on Melinda's inward discourse. Note the distorted thinking brought about by the drugs.

ALONE

Melinda plunked herself down at the water's edge. Although it was an

Tara's Mom

Addiction Uncovered The Hard Decision Lost and Alone
ng. She was only 19 years old but it was clear that allowing her to live in the comfort of their home while abusing the family was not helping anyone. As long as Melinda had this safe place to live there would be no motivation to change.

exceptionally beautiful day and the clear blue water sparkled in the sunlight; Melinda saw none of it. Her eyes were glazed over as she stared blankly across the ocean.

She was turned inside herself; enslaved to her tormenting thoughts, "I have nothing now, everyone has turned on me. My life is so screwed up, it's not fair! Why can't I be happy, own a house, be married, have kids and all the things everyone else has? What have I ever done to deserve this?"  

As her eyes filled with tears she felt the oxygen being sucked out of her lungs.  Hopelessly she grabbed her head with both hands and nuzzled it into her knees.  She pushed her head hard against her knees in an effort to stop the intrusive thoughts racing through her mind.

"Okay Melinda, enough already! It is what it is and no one cares - there is no one on this planet who gives a crap!" She felt her body stiffen as fear gripped her.  Her thoughts took on a life of their own capturing her emotions and shaping them into full-blown rage and hatred.

"I HATE my life!" Melinda screamed.  As wrath claimed full residence in her head Melinda's beautiful face became contorted. "Nobody has ever been there for me!  Even my parents have turned their backs on me. When I needed them the most, they kicked me out of my own house.  I hate them!"  Melinda's small frame crumbled into the sand as sobs shook her to the core.

Lying there in a heap It seemed as if time stood still. Mentally she rehearsed every wrong ever done to her. She was intent on feeding the flames of her fury with all of the injustices of her life. "What kind of an idiot gives a kid drugs anyways?  What parent kicks their kid out of her house? .. and they call themselves Christians!" she hissed bitterly under her breath.

After a gallant and prolonged effort to vent all the hostility brewing and erupting inside her soul, a quietness settled in. She shrank back as the haunting and familiar feelings of hopelessness, emptiness and depression sank into and invaded her emotions.

Alone on the beach, Melinda repositioned herself. She sat up, her body stiff and rigid. A suffocating demonizing fog descended upon her. Impending doom fell like a blanket intent on smothering her.

Her heart began to race and then the scariest sensation, of being at death's door, hit her. She felt like her lifeblood was literally draining out of her body. Terror gripped her heart as the fear of death threatened to take her.  

Melinda knew, from past experience, that she would not die, yet part of her wished she could ... right here and right now. "Oh, Where can I go, What will I do, I am so lost and alone, ... is there no one who cares about me or sees my distress?

The water reached out to Melinda. It repeated its course continuously and rhythmically. The lively waves formed and curled up about ten feet out. When the waves broke, the bubbly water raced for shore and finished with a swoosh at Melinda's feet. Oblivious to the waters soothing gesture Melinda stayed focused on the battle raging within. Helplessly Hooked
Kicked Out

Melinda blamed her friend's Mom for her addiction. She held her responsible for the desperate state she was in."What kind of a monster offers a sixteen-year-old crack cocaine?"

Melinda's first impression of Tara's mom was that she was on the wild side but she was also very cool. The night Tara's mom offered the drug to her, Tara and she were partying with her 'hip' mom. They had full access to lots of beer.  They all laughed together as they danced to pounding hip-hop music.  What could be better than this?

When Tara's mom pulled out the crack cocaine, Melinda stopped only a second to consider the consequences. She reasoned that if Tara's fun-loving mom was using crack cocaine, it couldn't be all that bad. But after using the crack, Melinda was helplessly hooked. "I hope she goes to Hell!" Melinda screamed out to the waters.

As Melinda rehearsed everything that happened since the day she started using, her head bent low. A flood of tears poured down her cheeks. "If only that loser had kept her drugs to herself," she thought bitterly, "I would not be in this mess!" Seven years later Melinda was still hopelessly hooked and at the mercy of addiction and distorted thinking.

Feeling the isolation creeping in all around her she dug her toes deeply into the warm sand hoping the sensation of its grains would soothe her solitude.

She wondered if anyone had ever felt this kind of pain before. The darkness continued to close in on her; She was in a treacherous place. "Where do I go? I need a safe place."

Her thoughts jumped to what happened that morning. "I was just sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of Rice Krispies, minding my own business, when Buffy roared into the room looking like she was ready to devour me.  She glared at me as she screamed, 'You are a filthy PIG! Look at this mess! How can you just sit there and eat cereal!'  Melinda felt the familiar heat of fury rising up her neck and into her face. She spits out her venom, "Get lost you loser!"

Buffy stiffened and began to bombard her with degradation and accusations. "You are nothing but a lazy no good user. I am sick of your self-centered, wicked attitudes and verbal abuse.  Now you get your ugly butt off my chair and get out of my house."  

"Yeah RIGHT!" screamed Melinda, "Just look at you, out of control, big-mouthed fat girl - who's started this fight HUH!"

Buffy's eyes were bulging when she turned suddenly and ran upstairs. Pounding down the stairs Melinda saw her holding her duffel bag. Buffy opened the door and catapulted the duffle bag across the grass.

Melinda stared in disbelief. How dare she treat her like a child! Melinda was just about to lay into her and tell her how stupid she was but just then Buffy pointed her finger at the door and commanded, "Get out of here and don't ever come back!"  Next thing Melinda knew she was standing outside the apartment door surrounded by her stuff which had flown out of her unzipped duffel bag.

"That stupid, crazy, ugly witch!" Melinda huffed. " Why didn't I just slap her and put her in her place?"  Though she was fuming inwardly her wrath did not find an outlet that morning. The truth is that Buffy had overpowered her with a plethora of obscenities and scornful ridicules and before she knew it the door was slamming behind her.

Once reality sunk in, panic took over. "She kicked me out, what is going to happen to me?" she grabbed up her dirty duffel bag and feverishly shoved her things inside it. She looked back at the house grabbed her bag, then turned away and headed off. "Buffy is the slob; she leaves her things all over the place, it's not my fault that the place looks like a bomb went off in it - how dare she blame me!" she murmured. Walking down the desolate street she comforted herself, "Buffy's a loser anyway, who needs her!"

The woman who gave Melinda drugs opened the door of addiction. It was a destructive and horrendous act!

Her family eventually became part of the drug addiction nightmare. Melinda was the oldest child in the family.  Her Mom and Dad, Sally and Rick were great parent's who invested in their children.  As a child, Melinda was responsible and respectful. When she became a teenager she had her ups and downs but that was to be expected. She was a good student involved in sports and busy with her friends. Her parents thought she was growing into a beautiful young woman.

Everything changed soon after Melinda turned 16. When she was home she spent most of the time in her bedroom listening to rock music. She wanted to be left alone and had to be asked several times to come to the table for a meal or to do anything asked of her. Melinda's moods were swinging from one extreme to the other.

One day Melinda's little sister, Casey, bumped into her while she was carrying a coke to the couch; Melinda turned and kicked Casey in the back as she shouted, "Look where you are going you, little Moron, how stupid can you be?"

Casey screamed out in fear and pain. Her mother, Sally, ran into the room and stopped Melinda short by grabbing her arm. Sally spoke with very serious and firm conviction, "Melinda Renee, your behavior is unacceptable! You may not kick anyone in this household, do you understand me?"  Melinda's leaned forward and with a hard stare responded, "Whatever Mother!" Sally was taken aback by her defiance. She blinked and paused a moment to gather her thoughts.  Standing there, she prayed, "God please help me not to lose my cool."  

Meanwhile, Melinda pulled her arm away from her mom and walked back toward the couch. She sat down and stared at the television. "Melinda, What in the world is going on with you?" Sally asked. Stonewalling her mother, Melinda stared at the television. Sally had never seen this kind of hardness. She was at a loss and did not know what to do next. She felt a knot form deep in the pit of her stomach.  She decided to leave Melinda alone and talk with her husband Rick when he got home.

Some days later when Melinda's addiction was discovered, she tried to cover it up saying the drugs belonged to her friend. Her parents didn't buy it and persisted to drill her. Finally, she broke down sobbing and admitted that she was using cocaine.

Sally turned white and Rick's knee's buckled as the weight of Melinda's words hit them. They never thought drugs would touch their family. This news was overwhelming and suffocating. Tears formed in Sally's eyes; she felt like her heart stopped and the whole world stopped with it.

Rick went to Melinda and took her in his arms holding her close to his chest. He rocked her, as he had done many years ago, smoothing her hair he whispered, "It's okay baby, we'll help you."

Sally and Rick sought counseling, read books, consulted specialists and offered support to Melinda. They turned every stone in their effort to understand and help her overcome this deadly dependence.

They listened carefully and quietly as she ranted and raved about the injustices that life continually dumped on her. They wisely chose not to engage in an argument knowing her rage was drug-related.

They waited until Melinda cooled down; then cautiously expressed their concern for her while laboring to communicate and give her a reality check. They yearned for her to open her heart to wisdom. But that never happened while Melinda lived at home.

Melinda's parents frantically searched and sought to help Melinda but after years of desperately trying to help her, they realized nothing was working.  Melinda's bad behavior continued to spiral downward.  

Melinda flew into a rage every time her parents gave her a consequence for bad behavior. She screamed at them, "I'm 19 years old, get off my case, I'm not a child anymore!"

Melinda showed absolutely no appreciation for all her parents had done for her. She grew to expect whatever she wanted and got angry if she was told no.

She knew how to apply sweet talk when she wanted something. For a while, it threw her parents into thinking that she was getting better. Eventually, they realized she was cycling between abusing and using people while feeding her own sense of power.

Melinda's parents agonized over the decline they saw in her character. Sally would often fall into a heap as she cried out, "Who is this girl? What has happened to my Melinda!" Every day they carried the weight trying to fix Melinda.

Eventually, though, they were convinced they could not fix her. They realized that she must want to be fixed before anyone could help her. The only way Melinda's parents could help her, at that point, was to cut the ties and to let her fall.

Her refusal to listen to instruction took its toll on the family. Her parents realized that the degradation and fury of her words, along with her wild and unpredictable behavior, was threatening the security and safety of their home.

A decision had to be made - it was the hardest decision they had ever made. She could no longer be trusted.  She stole money and had become proficient with verbal abuse. Melinda's parents were convinced that only God could reach their daughter

It was time to let Melinda reap what she was sowing. They had to stop rescuing her and propping her up time and time again. They were convinced that if they enabled Melinda; it would be detrimental and to her own ruin.

One night Melinda's parents called her into the living room. Their heaviness hung thick as her Dad began to speak, "Melinda, We have hit a brick wall in our ability to help you. We love you with all of our hearts but we will no longer tolerate your abusive words and reckless behavior. Though we have offered you many options to help yourself - you refuse them."  Steve continued by telling her that the privilege of living in their home was no longer an option for her.

An agonizing process preceded this event. What parent wants to kick their child out of their house? Though they were fearful for her safety they were more fearful of her continuing down this road. The Lord convicted them both to release Melinda to Him.

Melinda was incredulous and stunned listening to her Dad. She melted into a puddle when she realized that her parents were serious. 

The confrontation was the most upsetting and painful experience of their lives. Steve stood firmly. Sally latched on to her husband's shirt as she grieved over her daughter's pain-wracked face. After a torrential flood of tears, Melinda's hurt turned to rage and she cussed them out with bitter and revolting words. Sally shook with fear then turned her heart towards God with a cry for help.

In Melinda's mind, her parents had dumped her. In her mind, she had done nothing wrong. No, nothing was ever Melinda's fault.

Although her parents made a hard-hitting decision and they knew it was the only option they had, they carried a heavyweight ... a weight that only a parent of a rebel knows. Day and night they prayed for their daughter. Their hearts ached with longing for Melinda to return to them.

After leaving home she nursing her pain with crack.  Melinda's cyclic and rash thinking mode grew into a firm belief system.

She believed she was the victim. Her delicate face grew hard as paranoia, hatred, and revenge took up residence. Her mind had become a villain destroying her from the inside out. Melinda was right and everyone else was wrong; End of story!

As the years passed Melinda experienced pain and torment beyond her comprehension. Her distorted thinking patterns had taken full control robbing her of any possible hope of friendship or a long-term relationship. She was devoid of joy or contentment. She was now in a very dark and sinister place.